It’s safe to say that Urmi’s passion & profession was born from a void that needed filling (isn’t it often like that?).
Growing up in Italy as a third-culture kid, fate would have it that a ‘big sister’ role model didn’t exist, and yet was much desired.
Finding herself in the role of mentor at uni, she realised what was missing - and how beneficial it is for women, no matter where they are in life.
Mentorship is a two-way street where everyone wins, because learning & growth happens on both sides.
She shares her personal story with us, and 5 lessons she’s learnt from mentoring.
Written by: Urmi Hossain
“Be the change you want to see in the world” by Mahatma Gandhi.
This is my favourite quote of all.
It’s a sentence that when I first read gave me the push to change the world for the better. But before we go any further into how I’m changing the narrative, let's go back in time…
Upon marriage, my parents decided to move to Italy from Bangladesh.
They moved for a better future, better work opportunities, and a better lifestyle. We are talking about the 90s when we had the first flow of immigrants going from Bangladesh to Italy. Years later, I was born - the first Bengali girl to be born in Italy (as my dad says).
My life in Italy as a child was great. I was unconditionally loved, pampered by everyone, and very much spoiled. As I became older though, the teenage struggle started to surface.
I lived in a predominantly Italian community, around Italian people, and had only Italian friends and as I was becoming an adult, I needed guidance about life in general. You know there are times when you want to ask someone besides your mother about your period, boys, dating, studying, lifestyle, first job, and more.
In South Asian communities, there is no such thing as open communication between kids and parents, and being the oldest in the Bengali community, I didn’t have a Bengali figure to look up to, especially a figure of a big sister.
Moreover, being a third-culture kid myself, I couldn't even go to my Italian friends for guidance due to cultural differences. All I wished for was to have someone similar to me to share my struggles, my uncertainty, and my deepest thoughts.
As a South Asian woman, it’s not expected that you have a best-friend relationship with your parents, and some topics are deliberately avoided. The hard part about this was that I was seen as the bigger sister by girls in the Bengali community, so I had to lead by example.
Fast forward 20 years later, I got my first part-time job as a mentor while I was a student at my university, and it was the first time the term was introduced to me.
I did mentoring for about 2 years, but I didn't know that this one-time experience would have made me a mentor for life.
My first experience as a mentor was really from an academic point of view. I would mentor students in my academic background and guide them to succeed in their studies.
As I started to work full-time, the word mentoring became part of my regular vocabulary, almost part of my day-to-day routine. I used to hear the word mentor at work, at Toastmasters, among my friends, and in my books.
I even coined the term “Friendtor” which is the combination of Friend + Mentor. It was almost like the universe was sending me a message and wanted me to embody this identity of mentoring. And that's exactly what happened.
Upon starting my career as a full-time employee, I had the urge to give back, but also I saw there was a void in the market.
That little girl who grew up in Italy and sought a friend or a confidant to talk to wanted to be the mentor she never had.
I decided to seek mentors and become a mentor myself. One of my biggest mentors told me once:
“Everyone needs a mentor, regardless of the path of their life”.
This specific sentence made me think that mentoring is not a one-time thing, but a long-term commitment where you help and guide people you meet along the way.
You share expertise, experience, and guidance. It is not always about a formal connection, but a human connection above all.
When I first started to mentor, I was mainly focusing on young talents: young females starting their careers, women of colour, women of different social statuses, and women of different ages.
The power of mentoring showed me how much we can uplift each other by connecting and making a huge difference in someone’s life.
I can say I have mentored around 5-6 people in my 7 years of experience. I mentored women 10-15 years older than me as well as young individuals 20 years old.
No matter the age or generational gap, there is one common thing among all these women:
an unstoppable drive, a desire to succeed, and a burning fire to get things done.
Regardless of our experience, we all share the same struggle both professionally and personally.
A lot of women feel undervalued, while others feel they’re not skilled or talented enough, and some suffer from imposter syndrome.Unfortunately, inadequacy is often rooted in societal expectations and pressures, which can reinforce self-doubt over time and make us believe that we are not enough.
When we come together during these connections such as female mentoring, we find a safe space to share our feelings, experiences, and struggles.
It’s in these intimate conversations that we often let ourselves go, and remind ourselves that we are there to support and lift each other.
The more I mentor, the more I learn about the power of connections and how mentoring can help instill and build confidence to pursue our goals unapologetically.
My favourite lessons from being a mentor:
Mentoring is a two-way relationship - you learn from the mentee as much as the mentee learns from you.
You get what you put into it - the more time and effort one dedicates, the more beneficial the relationship will be.
Mentoring is about human connection - before forming any formal relationship, a successful mentoring relationship is about meaningful and genuine connections. When you show genuine interest which goes beyond the formal commitment, your relationship will be successful.
Mentoring is about celebration - With mentoring, we help the mentees achieve their goals, but each step of progression should be celebrated. Small wins must be celebrated to build confidence and self-belief
Mentoring is long-term learning. We learn from books, classes, and documentaries, but most importantly, we learn from real-life experiences. Indeed, mentoring is an example of experiential learning. It is about applying theory, and making mistakes in order to learn from them. Mentoring is a continuous opportunity to learn from one another and provide lessons that formal education cannot always teach.
As a woman of colour, a third-culture kid, or even an interracial human being, we go through struggles and difficulties that make us feel like outsiders, that we don’t belong, or that we have to prove ourselves 10 times more.
But as human beings, we also bring invaluable perspectives, ideas, and opinions as well as strength and tenacity that make us better equipped to guide others.
There will be moments where you will feel like you don't belong in a room, that the table you are sitting at was not deserved, but remember - everything you have done was the fruit of your hard work.
When you feel alone in the journey, surround yourself with women who believe in you, who understand you, and who are ready to advocate for you. Often mentoring is also walking together a path.
Lastly, mentorship is also about being vulnerable.
Share your journey openly: the triumphs and failures.
We are humans at the end and true strength is shown in vulnerability.
When I reflect upon my journey - that little girl who always felt like she never fit in, that little girl who wanted to have an older sister to speak to, today I am that woman I was seeking.
I’m here reshaping the narrative and living proof that regardless of our background, we can still connect, grow, and lead in our way.
The world wants us to “fit in” a role, but I choose to break it.
I refuse to be defined by society or their opinions.
I choose to live freely and unapologetically.
I choose to be the woman I needed to be.
I’d love to connect with you, and have several sources of value to offer:
Femme Influence (NPO)
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